已好一段日子沒做粵譯詩歌的工夫，上月讀到友人臉書上的帖子，貼出了他為這首聖詩做的粵譯，很有感動要做一個自己的版本，其一原因是詩句中提到主的僕人們徐徐老去，卻仍克苦盡忠，完成主工，深信上主仍扶持及記念，正跟自己近月埋首的教會史料搜集工作相合，讀著讀著這百多年間那些幾被這世代遺忘的忠主僕人的名字及其事蹟，很有感觸。

譯詞期間，試著試著，不竟生疏久了，要花好些時間力氣和禱告，才能拾回音節和文字之間的感覺，真的不敢想像有天自己也像歌詞中所言出現認知障礙的時候是怎樣的一回事，但願上主憐憫。

《憶記溜掉》（When Memory Fades）

Words by Dr. Mary Louise Bringle
Music by Jayne Southwick Cool, arr. by Eric Nelson
粵譯：海牛

參：https://youtu.be/e4Qe87Wm4hU

憶記溜掉　腦中找不到記認
呆頭渾腦　眼望不清究竟
靈內盼聽到神重申愛不轉
心底苦痛懼怕盼聽祢聲
主是人生安康憑依滿有恩典
求從上賦予我堅忍勇氣
When mem’ry fades and recognition falters,
When eyes we love grow dim, And minds confused,
Speak to our souls of love that never alters;
Speak to our hearts by pain and fear abused.
O God of life and healing peace, empow’r us
With patient courage, by your grace infused.

憶記溜掉　腦中找不到記認
呆頭渾腦　眼望不清究竟
靈內盼聽到神重申愛不轉
心底苦痛懼怕盼聽祢聲
主是人生安康憑依滿有恩典
求從上賦予我堅忍勇氣
When mem’ry fades and recognition falters,
When eyes we love grow dim, And minds confused,
Speak to our souls of love that never alters;
Speak to our hearts by pain and fear abused.
O God of life and healing peace, empow’r us
With patient courage, by your grace infused.

益見孱弱　縱青春朝氣已逝
提著倦臂　老僕刻苦作工
仍熱切不懈完成今世差事
遵依主隱密奧秘的意旨
雖為其哀慟仍然欣慶信奉
神常健膀臂在堅穩扶持
神常健膀臂在堅穩扶持
As the frailness grows, and youthful strengths diminish,
In weary arms, which worked their earnest fill.
Your aging servants labor now to finish….
Their earthly tasks as fits your myst’ry’s will.
We grieve their waning, yet rejoice, believing,
Your arms, unwearied, shall uphold us still.
Your arms, unwearied, shall uphold us still.

於祢靈內有不息恩惠永在
從前及以後互交織契通
明淨滿光耀　留存一切歡樂
主工的價值沒半點落空
主願懷抱所有微小供獻踐行
蒙神念記不死生命來臨
Within your spirit, goodness lives unfading.
The past and future mingle into one.
All joys remain, un-shadowed light pervading.
No valued deed will ever be undone.
Your mind enfolds all finite acts and off’rings.
Held in your heart, our deathless life is won.

憶記溜掉　腦中找不到記認
When mem’ry fades and recognition falters,

神常健膀臂在堅穩扶持
Your arms, unwearied, shall uphold us still.

原來去年11月底的謝恩節在臉書寫過一段文字比較舊新普天頌讚的《耕田撒種（歌）》，現在整理增刪一下重貼，延續「新普天頌讚乃劣質中譯之示範」的系列。（上主日謝恩大禮拜，程序上又再出現新普頌的這首歌，認真無奈。）

第一節，英文歌名亦是首句：We plow the fields and scatter，舊普頌直譯成「農人…耕田忙」，新普頌則為改而改的變它做「農夫…勤工作」；當然，農人或農夫除了耕田，還有不少別的「工作」，但辛苦耕田（plow）就是為了撒種，（而撒種的屬靈意涵，更不用我多說），就這樣，新普頌的改動淡化了原文或舊譯詞中「農人辛苦耕田忙」跟「卻賴神手勤澆灌」這強烈的對比。

副歌：「人間美好禮物」（舊普頌）vs「人間美好恩賜」（新普頌），All good gifts（英文原詞）究竟怎譯好？我只知算得上恩賜的，哪能說不好的呢？若說美好恩賜，是多餘的，而一時說是人間的恩賜，一時又從天而來（見副歌），究竟是誰施恩？是人是神？好混亂。

第二節：「主是唯一造物神」（舊普頌）vs「神是唯一造物主」（新普頌），神學上可以「拗餐死」，但我只知改了作後者，就不再押韻。而不知何故，舊版第一人稱的「我眾是祂的子女」被修改為第三身的「蒙祂所愛眾兒女」，頓時令歌詞變得很抽離。

第三節末句：「父愛所賜恩惠多，我眾無法報恩；只獻主心所悅納謙虛感謝之心。」（舊普頌）vs「如今呈獻感恩祭，回應天父厚愛，並獻主心所悅納–感恩、謙卑、愛戴」（新普頌）把獻心變了獻祭，還多獻一樣：愛戴，而原文卻是No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts but that which thou desirest our humble thankful hearts，新普頌完全譯不出「No……but」句式中「恩愛無以為報，唯有銘感於心」的含意，倒加入了主編自己圖以感恩祭來取悅神的敬拜神學；還有就是，何以新版此節並沒像副歌那樣用上「恩賜」來譯gifts呢，甚至可說是沒譯出來，但其實那個gifts正是貫穿整首詩的意念，可見新普頌編修者完全沒有詩歌的sense。

總結，還是那句：新普天頌讚乃劣質中譯之示範。

唔該行行好，全棄新普頌好不好。

上次做粵詞翻譯已是很久以前的事，近日要為教會堂慶的獻詩曲目做一份中（粵）譯詞，而獻唱的會是一首分部的合唱詩，又有變奏的部份，還在與指揮磋商著如何修繕，或者最終都只會唱英文版本，但做了的工夫也不宜放棄，略加修正，在此貼出一個會眾唱的版本：

《教會奮起》

Written by Keith Getty, Stuart Townend
粵譯：海牛

參：https://youtu.be/x63cVewXAeg

哦　教會啊　來奮起穿軍裝
要聽主帥基督統領
全靠上帝扶助並賜力量
弱者今能誇口堅壯
迎抗撒旦欺哄訛騙
信德擋箭真理束腰
旗幟是愛無懼做主精兵
拔救黑暗中眾罪民
O church, arise,
And put your armor on;
Hear the call of Christ our captain.
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given.
With shield of faith and belt of truth,
We’ll stand against the devil’s lies.
An army bold, whose battle cry is love,
Reaching out to those in darkness.

同聽令去憐愛被擄靈魂
義憤抵抗肆虐強權
神語利劍療癒眾心傷缺
義勇忠信奮力爭戰
每遭試煉險惡圍困
確知結局主保萬全
神賜萬國為業屬天應許
在捨身替死基督裡
Our call to war, to love the captive soul,
But to rage against the captor;
And with the sword that makes the wounded whole,
We will fight with faith and valor.
When faced with trials on every side,
We know the outcome is secure.
And Christ will have the prize for which He died:
An inheritance of nations.

來看十架慈憐大愛交加
上帝親愛子遭宰殺
從此踏碎仇敵在足底下
萬國君王復活良辰
輥開巨石衝破墓禁
看基督聖身已離墳
常勝樂韻無間奏響進行
直至普世瞻主復臨
Come, see the cross, where love and mercy meet,
As the Son of God is stricken;
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet,
For the Conqueror has risen!
And as the stone is rolled away,
And Christ emerges from the grave,
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him.

求每步聖靈臨在注力量
越困阻靠祂施恩惠
憑信邁進朝那獎賞飛奔
為配稱作忠信僕人
古今先聖簇擁並進
凱歌夾道高唱主恩
容我和應期盼渴想那日
在永光裡偕主同行
So Spirit, come, put strength in ev’ry stride,
Give grace for ev’ry hurdle,
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way,
Retelling triumphs of His grace,
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When, with Christ, we stand in glory.